Understanding The Borderline Mother Download

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Understanding The Borderline Mother Book
Joan Crawford
Understanding The Borderline Mother Free

Understanding The Borderline Mother Book

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Preview — Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson

The first love in our lives is our mother. Recognizing her face, her voice, the meaning of her moods, and her facial expressions is crucial to survival. Dr. Christine Ann Lawson vividly describes how mothers who suffer from borderline personality disorder produce children who may flounder in life even as adults, futilely struggling to reach the safety of a parental harbor,..more

Published July 1st 2002 by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (first published 2000)

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Joan Crawford

157 books — 285 voters

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I devoured this book, though not because it was 'enjoyable'. As others have written, at turns I found it illuminating, validating, or anger-provoking. I am trying hard to use it for understanding, but I have a lot of work to do before that is likely to happen. Finally, though, I can name behaviors that I knew made me crazy (but I kept thinking I should be able to just get past it all). It is wonderful to feel less alone -- I knew my sister understood, but outside of her, people who have not expe..more

Oct 23, 2017lov2laf rated it it was amazing

Shelves: nonfiction-psychology, nonfiction-self-help, paperback, own, nonfiction, nonfiction-ptsd, nonfiction-trauma-recovery, 300-350-pages

I wouldn't have picked up this book without being told 'Holy crap, this is your mom.' Who already has an idea of what borderline personality disorder is and how that can manifest in its various forms and then present in our mothers? Not me.
I've always known in some way that my mom is a basket of dysfunctions, a walking trail of tears, an emotional vampire, a bulldozer, a blackhole for attention, unstable, and a child but it's all lost in a nebulous abyss of 'something is wrong with her. Why can..more

I just read this book in one sitting. I ended up highlighting almost as much as I didn't. I can't think of a better book for a child of a borderline mother. I kept thinking, 'This is it. This is it exactly.' Sometimes validation is the most important thing.

so far this book has captivated my interest and also made me so thoroughly frustrated, i end up throwing it on the bed after every other paragraph. i feel like i'm reading my life written in an auto biography, which is the interesting part that keeps pulling me back. but at the same time, it's so hard to see my life so raw, bare, and laid out, i find myself feeling drawn back into the hurts, anger, frustrations, confusions of my childhood. which is the throwing of book part.
i hope somewhere....more

Wish no one needed this book but if you do, it's a good resource to help you understand your crazy childhood. Creepy-relatable and you will walk around in a daze after realizing your hell was a thing, not as much of an anomaly as you probably thought.

Apr 17, 2008 Understanding The Borderline Mother Download

Kristy rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: adult children of borderline mothers

It made me anxious, relieved, sad, and exhilarated. It's helped change my life. Recommended to people who find resonance in these terms:
the Waif Mother
the Hermit Mother
the Queen Mother
the Witch Mother
the All-Good Child
the No-Good Child
Loving the Waif Without Rescuing Her
Loving the Hermit Without Feeding Her Fear
Loving the Queen Without Becoming Her Subject
Living with the Witch Without Becoming Her Victim

I didn't read very far into this book. It brought back so many painful memories that I was unable to finish it. But I felt morea acceptance of my life with a very difficult mother.

Understanding The Borderline Mother Free

Jun 21, 2012amaya rated it it was amazing

just a brief review:
throughout this whole book, i kept having to remind myself that i've never met christine, nor did she live with me whilst i was growing up!
this book has helped me immensely; it actually made me cry tears of relief when i realised that i wasn't alone, and my therapist and i used it as a discussion point a time or two.
i highly recommend it to everyone who has the opportunity to read it!

Apr 15, 2010Eli rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: children of borderlines & their mothers

Shelves: nonfiction, 2010

Some mental health professionals call Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) a unique mental condition affecting 6 million+ Americans. Some view it as a subtype of PTSD. Others consider the condition and its symptoms so vague as to be diagnostically useless and suggest scrapping the term entirely. By the end of Understanding the Borderline Mother, I saw the case for all 3.
This is an emotionally difficult book for anyone dealing with a borderline mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, &c. Though..more

Feb 16, 2008Terri rated it really liked it

Was your childhood full of loss and/or emotional abandonment or abuse? Was your mother extremely moody, clingy, helpless, angry, unpredictable, crazy, rejecting, etc.?
If you had/have a borderline mother, she might be quoted on every page or so of this well researched book. And if you have some traits yourself, you'll find yourself saying 'yikes!' more than a few times. Addressing this personality disorder and working hard at improvement is well worth the therapy hours and cost. Er, the chapter..more

This book answered so many questions. If you have a bpd person in your life, particularly a mother or other authority figure, this will be difficult to read, but also freeing. It is NOT your fault. You CAN'T control it..and you CAN'T cure it. This explains a lot of the manipulation and games that are played, and the why they display behavior that conflicts with their apparent goal/needs. It's heartbreaking when it's someone you love..but it's the BEST book on the experience of growing up with..more

Apr 18, 2008Jef rated it it was ok

The dipictions of borderline mothers was so depressing that I had to stop reading the book, especially since I grew up with one. I already know how frightful they can be.

Feb 29, 2016Passenger B. rated it it was amazing

Shelves: psychology-nonfiction, favorites, own-print, cluster-b, 2016-on-goodreads, 2019-on-goodreads

This has been an - almost - annual re-read for me in the last three years because I discover something new every time I read this book.
If you are the (adult) child of a BPD mother then I could imagine, also from what I have read in other reviews, that every sentence is going to feel like a revelation.
For anyone else interested in the many facets, four sub-types (witch, queen, waif and hermit) of the BP mother, the kinds of men who find themselves attracted to these women and what their childre..more

Jan 21, 2010Amy rated it liked it

First the good things about this book: I really appreciate the amount of case study information, examples from historical figures, and correlations to real experience. This book is not esoteric or written for experts. It's written for children (primarily) of these mothers with the goal of helping gain understanding (so the title) and give some beginning skills for coping. There's also a useful section on the types of men BPD mothers are attracted to. I won't go into my personal reasons for readi..more

I am in the process of reading this book. I am blown away that someone has actually written about what it was like growing up with a whirlwind, violent and charismatic parent. Lawson explains what it is like to grow up with someone who cannot be counted on to be the parent, who is violent one moment and effusively affectionate the next. She explains how riding that childhood roller coaster affect children physically and mentally. It is nice to know that I am not the only one out there who has li..more

Feb 09, 2019D.J. rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: Those interested in psychology, PDs

'Borderline Personality Disorder.' The first time I'd ever heard of this term was on the blog of a guy called The Last Psychiatrist about a year ago who I began reading often enough to become more interested in psychology as a whole. When BPD ended up describing a lot of my relationships with women in the past, I started to get worried, for you see, if there was a problem with them, then there was a problem with me. Then, if me, then what of the mother who raised me? I had to know.
It's tough to..more

Apr 20, 2014Magill rated it really liked it

While many familial relationships are fraught with conflict, and every family is dysfunctional in some degree, most are not destructive or annihilating. This readable book addresses the extreme mothers that we have all heard of, if only in the news, but may be far more common and closer than many of us realize. This book is directed to those children and emotional orphans who have passed through such soul-crushing experiences and alludes to the many, many casualties of children sacrificed on the..more

Sep 27, 2007Karri Lewis rated it really liked it

This book gave me a clear understanding of what had been going on in my life in regards to my confusing relationship with my undiagnosed(most-likely bpd) mother. Unfortunately, there is little advice in the best way to navigate a relationship with the bpd mother other than some really basic stuff. I guess a whole 'nother book could be written about that subject..Anyway, the book is very enlightening and validating to a child who has been invalidated by his mother's behavior all his life.

This isn't a book you read unless you need to. If you need to read this book, it is invaluable. For those of us with mothers that do not fit the mold, this book is illuminating, enlightening, empowering, frustrating, etc. I find myself referring back to it over and over again.

Aug 15, 2018Dria rated it really liked it

I'm 90% certain my mother has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder; this book helped me understand our relationship dynamic, particularly during my childhood and teenage years. I have always been quite puzzled by her behavior and learning about BPD in therapy and through reading is helping me understand why she acts the way she does and why I act the way I do as a result.
Highly recommended reading if you have a parent with BPD.

Aug 15, 2011Mai-San rated it liked it · review of another edition

Thankfully not my mother. I read this book to try to understand my friendship with an old childhood friend whose mother has borderline personality disorder. I expected that I'd find some of her behaviors fitting with BPD as well and that certainly was true. I could basically substitute 'friend' for 'mother' in the book especially since I met her as a child.
The author categorizes borderline personalities into Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch. However, they easily fit into all or most of them. She i..more

This book is an excellent read from start to finish. If you aren't sure if your mother is a borderline personality, after reading the four most prominent 'types' (which detail specific characteristics) I don't think much doubt will remain.
Using anecdotal accounts to help bring home the resonance the reader might feel for the info, the book moved along in a style that kept me wanting to learn more. I will say, though, that if you haven't learned about this before (which I had not) and you do have..more

Not an easy book to read. I found critical validation in seeing my experiences reflected, and put into words.. But also, predictably, deep and overwhelming pain - which is all the more difficult when it's a surge in deep and overwhelming pain that prompts one to read the book in the first place.
Like any pop-psych book, this one was replete with over-broad generalizations, and mixed science with speculation. It's such a trademark of the genre that it's hard to hold it against the author; hopefu..more

This book was very moving, informative, and enjoyable to read. I enjoyed how the author used fairytale character as examples, along with real life accounts, while explaining the issues with borderline personality disorder and the affect it has on the children, family, friends, and loved ones. Lawson explains the different types of mothers with BPD. Lawson shows how the waif, hermit, queen, and witch find themselves in the forest of BPD and uses stories such as Alice in Wonderland, Snow White, Ci..more

Dec 09, 2009Masterscubadvr33 rated it did not like it

I didn't even read this book, and I know I NEVER will. Just reading the back cover pissed me off to no end! First of all, I HAVE borderline personality disorder, I am NOT borderline! It is not who I am, it is a small part of me.. Second of all, I was VERY offended by Christina Crawford's comment on the back saying that all mothers with bpd are horrible and destroy their children's lives. I am sure that growing up with a parent that has bpd CAN be difficult and in some cases very negatively affe..more

In reading this insightful book, as others have said, I felt that the author was writing specifically about my mother and my childhood. Although my mother has been diagnosed as bipolar, the medications have never really helped her, and I truly believe that while she MAY be bipolar, she's definitely BPD. The introductory section was dead accurate in its insights, but the chapter on the Borderline Waif simply took my breath away. This is my mother to a T, even odd little behaviors or tendencies or..more

This was heavier on the understanding part and light on the helping children transcend bits. Even the understanding part did not go in depth enough, I thought. I kept thinking, 'wait, she did WHAT? why?' So it was a good outline of what BPD looks like in mothers, but more from a surface perspective than one that helps you see why they behave this way or how the gears spin in their heads.

Jul 26, 2008Amy Charles rated it really liked it

For those of you who know me, I read this for obvious reasons. I found it helpful to read about others who didn't have that stereotypically nurturing mother. I've said it before, I'll say it again - just because someone gives birth to you doesn't guarantee their status as a parent!

Affirming.

Shiver.

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“The Queen is controlling, the Witch is sadistic, the Hermit is fearful, and the Waif is helpless.
And each requires a different approach. Don't let the Queen get the upper hand; be wary even of accepting gifts because it engenders expectations. Don't internalize the Hermit's fears or become limited by them. Don't allow yourself to be alone with the Witch; maintain distance for your own emotional and physical safety. And with the Waif, don't get pulled into her crises and sense of victimization. Pay attention to your own tendencies to want to rescue her, which just feeds the dynamic.” — 74 likes

“To stave off the panic associated with the absence of a primary object, borderline patients frequently will impulsively engage in behaviors that numb the panic and establish contact with and control over some new object.” — 44 likes

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